VAGAL
by Almosegosum
Summary: A short story that plays out in 'The Originals'. This is My take on the Mary Sue. A Vampire goes to NEW-O to question a bounced check for a rather large order of sexual toys. upon arriving he finds an town in the brink of BATTLE... what will happen- dun dun dun! Warnings: OC, GAY STUFF, CRUDE LANGUAGE. You have been warned.


Here is a new short story. I am assuming someone will read it, and be like, huh? This is my take on the "Mary Sue" character, and yea. I wish not to insult anyone and please do not ask me where I got my sources from... this is M for bad, bad Language and general crudeness. This is also kinda AU. This also has a very large amount of Gay stuff in. Be warned. I have read it over for mistakes, since I do not know how this beta thing works. Good luck!

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I found myself staring into the eyes of Marcel. He had a cocky attitude about him, but I could read him like a book. At this moment, behind the bad-boy I-don't-give-a-fuck routine, there was a small little bottom, hoping daddy would not spank him for being naughty. Don't get me wrong, I was never one of those asshole tops that thought bottoms where beneath them -Lolz for puns- In-fact, they where some of my best customers. Looking over my shoulder, I saw the infamous Nicklaus looking livid as always. I assume that he was the aforementioned 'daddy'.

Before I regurgitate the rest of my tale, let me introduce myself. I am Hallas... I know right- WTF parents! Getting the act of naming wrong for the last One-and-a-half Thousand years, with no horizon -promising improvement- in sight. I have boring brown hair and boring brown eyes. I am tall-ish and play piano. That seems a good description of myself as any. If you had not noticed by now that I was a flaming homosexual, then you need to die. J-Kay...

Anyway, I walked into the quaint little town of New-Orleans and immediately sensed that something was going down. Imagine my surprise when spotting none other than 'Rebekah'. Yup, that one. The fashion-goddess whom descended from on high to teach those whom could not understand the intricacies of le'Fashion. So naturally I stalked her till she met up with, OHMUHGHODDD! - Elijah! You might have noticed that I am somewhat of a fan.

Naturally I stalked... wait- didn't I already... oh wait- yea. I staked THEM till they met up with Her-Royal-Highness Nikki. Obviously he was PMS'ing and called in his brother and sister to help him with a massacre. See, I told you I could read a situation like none other!

The imminent victim of the Original family? -Marcel, and his vampire buddies. Apparently, those that lived here originally – pun?, wanted to return and the locals where less than welcoming. I was going to sit this one out, but then I remembered that I was on a mission... a mission for V.A.G.A.L!

Being sure to not scuff my shoes, It was but a hop-skip and a jump and I was in between the two opposing forces. Biting my lip as to not totally geek-out over the fact that the Original-Gentleman was standing a few meters behind me, I looked upon Marcel and his cronies. This brings us to the present.

"Explain yourself, before I rip off your head- How dare you interfere-"

"Brother... Give him a moment to talk. Anyone whom wears Mancini's to a brawl deserves to be heard out."

If I could still faint, I would have. Nick just threatened me- ME! And then Elijah defended my honor. If only I where a bottom... I doubt that that piece of a man -vampire- would like to be bent over my desk. I should inquirer later.

"I am Hallas. I am not here to interfere with with your brawl, I'm simply here to collect some fees for V.A.G.A.L and be on my way."

"What are you on about! What is a vagal?! Speak now, before I ri..." Guess who.

"I am a representative for V.A.G.A.L! The Vampiric Gays and Lesbians! We where created to represent all those of a Vampiric nature, whom likes to suck or lick whatever is situated between their own legs- or boobs. Some like to suck on those as well. We also sell many products to enhance your sexual-experience. Speaking of, we received a rather large order for the latest 14-inch super realistic butt-buster and after we shipped it, there unearthed some problems with payment- we traced it the order back to the address of one- Marcel of New-Orleans. Care to explain."

I raised my eyebrow slightly, and utilized a pose that I patented- guaranteed to make any questioning biatch piss their pants. Marcel did not pee himself, but did look somewhat uncomfortable. Looking behind me I saw the whole Original Family sitting on the curb, clearly trying to not snicker at their foes. They where surrounded by others, not previously there. Flicking my eyes over them, I saw a blond guy that had a goody-two-shoes aura about him, his apparent girlfriend clinging to him. Next to him a blond chick that Nikki was throwing glances at. Lastly there stood two people I was most shocked to see. A dark skinned witch and a dark haired bundle of sarcasm.

"Hey now! Don't laugh at Marcel. Not everyone can take our most exclusive product- you should be applauding him." the Original Family stopped their snickering and stared at Marcel. Then burst out into laughter.

"Don't worry Marcy, they come from a different time, and we should not judge them because of their ignorance." I looked over to the witch and vampire.

"I did not expect to see you here Bonny, you enjoy that new nipple-clamp design? Damion! We took your recommendations to heart for the 14-inch and adapted it. A special one is in the post, as thanks."

I turned back to the local vampire group and waited for a few moments, hoping one of them would get out a checkbook and pay me so I could go. Five minutes passed, and I looked across the faces of the whole gathering.

They all seemed somewhat uncomfortable.

"Look! Someone needs to pay for the Five-Hundred Dildos sent to New-O. I am not leaving before I get payment. We are hoping to buy Liberace's piano for our office, and this deal will provide us the last bit of capital needed."

This shocked one of Marcel's group into action. He blurred towards me, intent on breaking my face in. Sighing, lifted my foot, cringing at the mess this was going to make on my shoes. A light kick to the side, bringing his body horizontal to the road, followed by a swift downwards kick of my foot, left the poor lad split into two pieces by the abdomens. The legs burst into flames, not being part of the body that was wearing the sun resisting jewelry.

Well ain't that just peachy.

"Look, our fabulous leaders, of whom 'The George Takei' and 'Lady Gaga' are part, promised me that if I get this deal, I can get my piano! Don't fuck with a man and his piano. Its not cool."

"That kick was perfect. I could not have done it better myself, even if I had wanted to. How old are you. That is not the speed of a fledgling, let alone an Original. Who made you?" Elijah was staring at me, in wonder? Fuck yea!

"I would say i am about, one-two... maybe one-six."

"Don't lie to us you sarcastic shit... A vampire that was 160 years old, could never be that precise!" oh Nikki.

"Brother- I do not think he is talking of a three letter digit. Where you a warlock before you turned yourself? Assuming of course that I am correct." Ding, ding, ding!

"You really are very smart. Look I am not here to kill anyone- I am here for dildo-money. And if you where thinking about returning them- don't. That's just disgusting."

I was about to start making threats should the money not appear in my hands, when I heard the distinct sound of a check being ripped out of a checkbook. Zooming in on the sound, I realized that none other that Rebekah had written a check, and was holding it out to me.

"I don't mind second hand. Ill just collect them myself, you said five-hundred right?"

"In all the colors of the rainbow... yes."

Seeing as there was nothing left for me to do here, I made my way to her, took the check, winked at Elijah, pinched Damian's ass, and was nearly half way to New-York in the blink of an eye.

A few days later I received a letter stating that New-O was once again in the hands of the Original-family, Nikki got someone pregnant – I know right?!, Elijah was shacking-'castling'-up with Dameon and they where wondering if I would like to open a V.A.G.A.L branch in New-Orleans. That was why I was currently packing my bags and breaking necks- the movers scratched my piano.

All in all, I think everything worked out well- cept I'm still single. End.

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Support V.A.G.A.L- (Vampiric Gays and Lesbians) by responding if you feel like it. I have resigned myself to no more that two reviews per story. When did I become so despondent. v


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